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God is Writing My Story “One-Day-At-A-Time”

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This is a real cool way of looking at my life’s journey through God’s eyes. As I (Pray, Seek, Knock) it is my endeavor to be CHANGED and BECOME all He has called us to be…(that goal and promise just blows my mind) I need to be aware of the fact that….He has already written


my story. It is a story on my life, transformed as I walk with Jesus, down a path He has prepared in advance. Think about it, We are not called to be heroes, but regardless of the direction or the location (mountains, valleys, deserts, meadows, or along calm rivers flowing with cool water) He is leading the way, all that I have to do is follow His lead.

Before you were conceived, God imagined your life from beginning to end. He writes, not with paper and ink, but three dimensionally in time, weaving your story into a larger narrative about His character and love. Your life plays out for all to see on the cinema screen called reality. And in your story, you are the hero. Not exemplifying a heroism that “saves the day,” but rather a heroism that courageously journey’s toward a life of transformation and transcendence, a life of abiding in Jesus, moment-by-moment.” Make no mistake the journey you’re on is one between you and God. He’s already written everything; you’re just living the script.” “Remember, it’s your story. It’s your journey. Regardless of how you might feel, your life is going somewhere.” From a recent Belief changers’ blog.http://beliefchangers.com/site/blog/have-you-read-the-story-written-about-you/#

Hello world!

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I am not sure if I will ever have an audience and I am not sure where to start with a blog. Unfortunately, because FaceBook is so interactive, I feel lost. Writing here gives me the feeling I am alone on an island or locked away in a room brainstorming a new project. This will take some getting used to. The instant gratification of FB may draw me away. I’ll give it a try and organize my thoughts in hopes that I might share something worth reading.

Have a great day!

Kim

Seeking Oneness…It comes from a Heart of Worship..It is all about Jesus

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This is a repost of something I posted many years ago.

I am going back to FOUNDATIONAL thinking: It is “Less of me, more of Jesus”, putting Jesus 1st. A foundational command, “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and everything else will be added” . As I apply this, in my own life, it has its effect on those around me. While, at first it is not perfect, in time, those who have held me responsible for their lack are starting to open up and I can see change. They too can see the need to find healing and stop projecting on me that I am the solution to their needs. Next, step, that we see where that begins. Loving and being loved, is a delicate dance of trust, that begins with wearing your armor. A key piece of that armor must not be left out. I have chosen to guard my heart with God’s truth, one thing that stands out, When we spend so much time focused on ME, ME, ME (or them, them, them), it is evident, it is not about JESUS. I cannot please man and ignore the Need to put Jesus 1st.

Like the triangle diagram. the closer we get to God, the closer we will get to one another. in a healthy way.

Seeking God, is instrumental in growing closer to each other. As we grow in our individual relationship with Him we can’t help but to remove the barriers. The goal, or aim is not to seek to satisfy ourselves or use another to get our needs met. Living that way makes people a tool, not a gift, or a treasure. I remember wanting to be the best wife in the whole wide world. I abandoned everything with a blind faith that someone else had my back. I believed that by doing all I could, I would automatically be be cared for, protected, cherished and loved. I tried doing everything I knew how. After a few years, I wore myself out, become the end-all that poured out to no end, but not the cup that was filled. I created a monster. (Note to self, I created, God didn’t)

Bottom line: Where I was once looking to just give myself away, turned into me keeping up an unrealistic and damaging pace. I was so busy I didn’t even notice, but I struggling to never fall behind. I couldn’t satisfy the ever growing monster of, ” If you love me, you will do this, or that.”

Now, that I am in seeking to find a better way, a new way. I have discovered a few patterns that have triggered me into trying even harder or threatening to give up all together. When I would stop to regroup in order to regain much needed strength, I was called selfish and neglectful. If I cried out in pain or hurt, I was called abusive. If I held it in because no one will listen and in the end exploded out of desperation, I was called bitter. Where was the grace from others or even from myself? Did I even think to give myself some room to be human?

That is right! I am only human, and this human is not their rock or their source. I am a co-heir and a vessel of Jesus and His spirit. I am not their well, but somehow, they have dipped the bucket so many times, the well ran dry… Jesus is filling it and my cup is not 1/2 empty. It is full, for His use..to over flow where ever He leads. AMEN! I have been told that I need boundaries. I agree, but I need more than that, I need to let go of what I once thought mattered, the focus that lead to burnout and emptiness.

Based on this honest, analysis of my pain, dysfunction and misery, I can see that this was based on a pattern of trying to be everything to everyone. As each day consumed my energy, it produced death and manifested as frustration, anger, and loneliness. That is what all the crying, screaming, anger is about. I was trying so hard and hurting myself and those whom I love so much. I was crying out for acceptance or just a little help. Those who know me, expected me to keep going, to be that someone who’s job is to meet their need. Those, who were on the outside, got a view, a dim view, with no way to help. To them, it sounded like complaining and was viewed as toxic. Who can blame them, it wasn’t theirs to fix. Many did what they could and prayed as they should. Still, others, offered advice, and there were those who avoided me all together. I don’t blame them, The Lord has been so faithful to prevent me from finding help in any of these ways, except prayer.

Like the song goes, “I going back to the Heart of worship, and it is all about You, Jesus”

What happened to the Motivational gifts I once operated in? How did I lose my focus or that genuine faith that saught to please God? In a day, not long ago, my walk was based on being all God called me to be. Where did that go? The desire (He put it there) is still there, the essential ingredients and the capacity to operate from a faith that looks beyond the struggle and knows if God put it there. The kind of faith that knows He will make a way. It is still there. It has been buried under all the hurt, lies, failures, and pollution that comes from being exposed to the ugliness of this world and acts of self preservation.

My road to a new life…. And I am not alone, Jesus is my guide and constant companion. Getting back to the basics, recognizing, how, when, where I got off track is important, but not as important as going back to my FIRST LOVE. Thankfully, He is there with me, leading every step of the way.

I am going back and starting over. Sure rewards and being satisfied is important, but it shouldn’t be the motivation in any relationship. I know, we work for compensation, not for free, we sow to reap. Yes! We do all that with a belief that it will produce something we want, something we will benefit from. This is not how relationships should work. It is the opposite of Unconditional love: When we put expectations on others based on our wants and only give to see those wants satisfied, we set our selves up for disappointment and miss out on the gift of receiving. I agree, we should be that which God has called us to be, women of grace, faith, love, gentleness, and strength, but it has to come from God. Doing anything in our own strength will lead to exhaustion and frustration.

I am loving this season of waiting on the Lord to open doors, provide opportunities and bring everlasting change. No More Band Aids!

Blessings,

Kim

New day, renewed attitude, a once cold heart, warmed by the SON and captured by His beauty

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This is a repost from an earlier Blog post in 2012
“Brrrrrr it is cold in this house”, are the first words I hear this November morning. The words resonated within me and got me examining my own cold heart, the place that is suppose to be Christ’s home.

When I walk around on auto pilot, think negative thoughts, feel like a victim or want to run away, these are all signs of a cold heart. “Lord, give me a heart that longs after yours and spends the time necessary basking in the warmth of your presence. Fill me up, overflowing, that that same warmth would be evident to those you have put into my life.”

Did you know that it is the blood that warms our body, from the inside out? The life of Jesus gives life, warms up a cold heart and feeds and nourishes the soul. If you give that warmth away, you’ll need to go back and get warmed up again. It is like a loop. You receive, you give away, you receive, etc. Blood circulates, for the good of the body. It feeds, gives breath (oxygen) then, it takes away the toxic garbage and disposes of it. We need to follow this pattern in our lives. Receive the life giving blood of Jesus (His shed blood on the Cross for our sin) accept it, let it circulate, bring life, breathe it in, breathe it out, let the garbage be removed and cleansed from our hearts/soul.

I am writing this for myself. It is a reminder of the fact I am NOT a corpse, but a living being, brought to life in God, through the life, death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. By faith, I believe it, trust in it and walk in it. Trusting in it, just like I trust my body is functioning and the blood that flows through is moving around inside of me and fulfilling it’s purpose in my physical body. Where I have blockage, it can hurt me, damage my soul, interfere with my function and ability to live fully. Heart attacks are usually a result of a blockage in an artery, unseen, very few symptoms, but then BAM! it happens, and sometimes it causes death.

I don’t want to be caught off guard. Prevention is better than a cure. Healthy living is expensive, but the alternative is sickness, shortened life, surgery, medication, etc. I think I will choose to pay up front. What am I paying? Nothing, it is free, all that is required is that I tap into the life of Christ, He has done it all and all I have to do is Follow Him, sit with Him, obey Him above all else.

I must remember to act quickly and keep short accounts, When I feel soul-sick, I must, immediately, go to the Great Physician, Jesus is there to bring health to these dry bones. It might mean to guard my heart, it might mean to repent, it might mean to rebuke a lie that I entertained.

David spoke of his body as dry bones. When he recognized his unhealthy condition and he turned to God and the Spirit of God revived his dried bones.

Again, Ezekiel 37:1-27 speaks loud and clear about life in the spirit. “O ye dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. Thus saith the Lord GOD unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live: ”

“May the gifts of the spirit of God flow and multiply as He lives and moves and has His way in me.”

Giving this another whirl

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Reposting a previous post from another blog.

I am a work in progress, forever being sanctified by Him, through Him and in Him. “Heb 10:14 For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified.”

I am well aware of the fact that I over-think/stress things, I miss my mom and dad dearly, I Love God above all things , Jesus is my ROCK and my SALVATION, Life is always changing, but I stand firm in Him.

I realize our days are numbered, better start living for the Lord and stop chasing the wind and all its vanity,. Never stop learning, everything starts with a thought, make the next thought about something more than the temporal, eternity minded and other’s focused is a great place to begin the day, but, after, a little time of prayer �

I love my 4 sons, (to the moon and back) and they are my pride and joy. Most days, I long for Jesus’ return and going home, but not until I share with as many people as possible what that means.

The more I mess up my life and turn to Jesus, the more I find my life in Him. I am finally learning what his means “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” Matthew 16:25

Thankful for the thoughtful overview and hope filled prognosis’ of my accountability sisters each week.. I have to say, “I agree whole heartedly”.  We are on the same page, my friends, we are in the processess of sanctification.

What is in the horizon for me?  Securing a full-time or part-time job lined up while, working on creating a routine here at my new home in Tennessee is a high priority.

I know this is not my forever home, but I also know God has a place for me in this mess of a world, until He returns. I’m praying for clarity and purpose, like Joseph, I want to be apart of God s calling and I want to see the rewards. I’m grateful for room to wiggle and fail and those who lend a hand and heart when asked. In doing so they help me to get back up, shake off the dust and start down that road again.

I’m on a journey. It’s an adventure that sometimes leaves me depleted and scared. Thankfully, I hold His promises close and my faith is grounded in a hope that is not wishful thinking or conditional on the acceptance of others. Jesus is my hope and until that day, I know He does all and only for my good. He takes this hot mess and squeezes the junk out as He hugs me and comforts me through the valley of the shadow of death. Because of Him, I fear no evil.

I pray to clearly see and walk in the calling He has prepared for me a long, long time ago. Not for you or someone else, but for me.

I pray, I can assist in helping others seek their God-given vision, direction, guidance and confidence to know and live for Him. I know it requires that we live one day at a time, accepting hardship, being content, knowing that one day we will all see Him face to face. And what a day that will be hallelujah.

Love and grace to the reader,

Kim

Amazing Grace is delivered in many forms, honesty and acceptance count too.

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Hello, My name is Kim, I am a grateful child of God, and I have discovered that I struggle with Co-dependency.

I have been asked by a friend to share my personal journey regarding this subject. I will begin by sharing what I have discovered and what I believe has been required to come to terms with and stay in recovery in my life as a co-dependent.

It starts with a humble heart before the Lord. I have heard the word “co-dependent” many times over the past 29 years and I have even stumbled upon it while reading self help books over the past 26 years. I never gave it a lot of thought. Over the past year and a half, my family and I have gone through severe family and personal crisis that have begun to expose a heart filled with pain and anxiety, I fell so far into despair, It seems to me, looking back, that I spent almost every minute on my knees crying out to the Lord for help. I was emotionally spent and at my end.

The fall of 2011, I was blessed to be able to attend a women’s retreat at the request of my Sister-in-law.  She had only recently come into a personal relationship with Jesus, and didn’t want to go alone. How could I say “No?”  Little did I realize, the retreat was more for me than it was for her.  All weekend, I kept hearing, from different women that I was paired with, “You must be co-dependent!”  At first, I took offense, but after observing their heart’s for the Lord, hearing their testimonies and the powerful confessions of their own personal recovery from Co-Dependency, I knew I needed to know more.  I wanted to experience the hope, the freedom and the joy that I could see beaming from their faces and through the energy they shared with each other. That was a start…there is more…

I felt as if God was telling me to take the step of faith. It was more like a giant leap. I loved my Lord and would walk, run or leap if He asked me to.  I looked up a ministry by the name of Celebrate Recovery. They had a meeting each Thurs at 6:30.  I had 3 days to pray and think about it.  I knew that God was urging me to walk by faith.

That first night, I walked, across that parking lot, into a room where they were singing and praising the Lord. I thought “This is a good sign”. Next, there were the expected formalities that go with any program, church service or ministry. They gave their introductions, announcements, took an offering, etc, but most remarkable was, on this particular night, a woman gave her testimony of her life, where she had been and where God has taken her. It was her “Road to Recovery”, . Yes, that is what they call it..  It was nothing short of  seeing God’s grace in action. After, the big group time, I sat in on a “Newcomer’s Group”.   There, everyone had a chance to share, or not, it was their choice. They would share why they were there and I honestly, didn’t know why.  I couldn’t bring myself to say, “I am co-dependent”. When the time ran out, we were taken aside and directed into what group would best serve us if we chose to come back the next week.  They could see right through me and suggested that I attend The women’s Co-dependency group.”

I was not completely at ease, I feared what would I have to do if I came back and what people would think? What would I tell my family as an explanation for leaving every Thursday night?  I considered not returning, but God had other plans.  It helped that everyone was warm, joyful, non judging and, (can I say it?) Non-pious.  No-one was there to preach or judge, fix or correct me. There was just this sense of acceptance, and encouragement to seek God’s word, love, mercy and His grace through the means of a safe a caring support group.

I have been attending, faithfully, every Thursday for 2 and 1/2 years now.  At first, I told my family I was attending counseling, the truth is. It was a form of counseling for me.  In time, I was able to share with my husband the details of where, why and what.  Surprisingly, he was accepting and at times would show full support and encouragement, not only to attend, but also giving me the space to build relationships with the special women in my my small Step Study group. He has told me that he can see change, in fact, just yesterday, he said me, “Honey, I am noticing that you serve your family and manage our home with a great balance of, both, Martha and Mary.”  Imagine that?

I have learned so much. Now, I wake up each day and take on each situation, good or bad, with the knowledge that God loves me, “That while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me” and that I matter to Him, and He has a plan for me, a plan to live in the Freedom and Joy of my Salvation.  I have made some deep connections with other women in my small group, who like me, struggle with co-dependency. They don’t try to fix me, counsel me, instead, they are there for support, encouragement, prayer and accountability.

Because of my attendance at Celebrate Recovery, I can honestly say, I am seeing the healing side of recovery.  I have found support, encouragement and accountability. Oh, I probably wrote that already, but it is what it is in a nut-shell. I am participating in a weekly Step Study. It is aimed at specific areas of compulsion or addiction and recovery steps to find healing and create healthy habits for change..

Being a part of a group like this is where the rubber meets the road.  It has been the help that I needed after I made a decision to come clean from whatever has come between me and my wholeness in the Lord. I am learning to be honest with myself, God and someone I trust. I feel that I have found a similar support from other small groups and I am a New Life ministry junkie

Let me repeat, I struggle with co-dependency and, although, I am not addicted to any substance the struggles read out at the same way at their root. It reads out as a compulsion to have control over something or someone. My addiction is my family.  I have spent most of my adult life choosing to have control over my family in the form of enabling, serving and loving them too much.  Why?  I believe it stems from a void in my life, a need to be needed and a need to validate or feel valued. When they needed me, I felt I had a purpose.

This type of controlling behavior has been just as damaging as any addiction and has not been a healthy or happy way to live.  I’ve learned, I’m not alone, Most people have their addictions rooted in a compulsion to control. I’ve looked at my past and can see its has some it roots from trauma from my past, (separation of a total dependency of God leaving a void) I’m still unraveling the specifics, but it might have been a way to cope with physical, emotional abuse, or due to my struggle of unmet needs. As a Christian I’ve said it but now I understand it and surrender daily my wants, needs and expectations knowing only the Lord can heal, restore and fill my heart.

It is amazing to see the victory in the lives of the people who go to this ministry and I too have a place to seek healing, restoration and (YES) wholeness through the forgiveness from the Lord. I’m have begun to experience from and to other people too. resulting in restored relationships. God has become my true and only source of life and liberty. Im learning new healthy choices while staying connected to a safe support group where I receive encouragement from other believers.  The most awesome result of recovery is I can give this new life away by my example, to bring that same encouragement and hope to others.

I know. No one is without sin, it just comes in different forms. I look around and see hurting people struggling in their hurts, habits and hangups. I am so grateful to God that He used a point in my life to direct me to the freedom found in confession, repentance, forgiveness and the new life born in a relationship with and because of Jesus Christ.

I have always known of Jesus, but knowing Jesus requires that she also knows me intimately, that includes every secret, every sin, every compulsion, and every fear.  There is a new found Freedom in living my life when I fully rely on His love, grace a mercy each and every day.  “Not my will be done, but Yours” becomes, truth, living and active, not just a prayer, but a way of living.

In closing, I can see that my over loving, is no less of a sin than any other compulsion or unhealthy habit. Turning my life over to God and His will is the only solution.  I am a work in progress.  Heb 10:14 has always been a special verse to me. .. God’s grace is sufficient, for me and you!

On the Road to Recovery for me means participating in a biblical study, focused on my personal relationship with Jesus and dependence on Him, meeting once a week with other women who are doing the same, staying in touch with someone I can be accountable to, reading God’s word, and journal my heart, prayers, praise reports, struggles and successes as I journey home with Joy in my King.

Blessings,
Kim

Retrospective from 2008 Prayer Journal…God is Good!

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Image

This morning, when I went through a prayer journal from 2008, I was so blessed to see how God has worked over the past 4 years.  If you could hear me, imagine a loud SHOUT  “Hallelujah” Praise the Lord.

I try to write in my journal daily. Well anyway, it is awesome to see God move in my heart and life through my true, desire to be changed and the support and encouragement of friends, new and previous (I avoided using the word OLD) : )   …..

Jan 2008, I am reading through the following prayer requests.   I prayed that God would help me to acquire a balanced life.

“Lord, my I seek You daily, with a healthy fear the Lord, that I would be still know You are God,,Give me what I need to love my family, number my days, that I may put on the Whole Armor of God required to guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. That I would do good, smile often, be obedient to seek and do Your will,  serving You and nothing more.  I pray that You will continue to take what You have begun in me and take it to perfect completion.

It is my prayer that I will regard my stewardship responsibilities with diligence, taking care of what You have entrusted to my care, such as, marriage, family, my health, friendships, finances, mind and everything in between.  Help me to remember to express Thanks, to calculate the cost and take in all the blessings You have bestowed on me. There are many; home, family, 4 boys, a faithful, God fearing husband, the gift of being able to stay home and educate my boys, freedoms, friends, physical, mental and emotional health, Your creations and all its beauty, Your love, friendship, guidance, protection, peace, and the wonderful Holy Spirit, that You have chosen to deposit in my heart.

As You taught us to pray,  Matthew 6:9  “Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be thy name, Your Kingdom come, You will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”  I acknowledge that Your Kingdom lives in my heart, You are bearing fruit in my life and giving me a beautiful testimony of Your faithfulness and sovereignty in my life.

Help me to separate myself from the things that steal and produce death. Instead, give me a renewed mind that is focused on Your truth and fill me up to overflowing, so that I may speak life everywhere I go.  Thank you Lord, in Jesus name, amen.

How To Be A More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours — Inspired To Action

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I love this article….

It can, seriously, apply to all relationships

 

How To Be A More Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours — Inspired To Action.

A Wise Woman Builds Her Home: The Truth About Discontentment

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A Wise Woman Builds Her Home: The Truth About Discontentment.

Enjoy this blog…Perfect reminder for us as we go through the current chapter.

 


Online Bible by eBible.com

New day, renewed attitude, a once cold heart, warmed by the SON and captured by His beauty

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“Brrrrrr it is cold in this house”, are the first words I hear this November morning.  The words resonated within me and got me examining my own cold heart, the place that is suppose to be Christ’s home.

When I walk around on auto pilot, think negative thoughts, feel like a victim or want to run away, these are all signs of a cold heart.  “Lord, give me a heart that longs after yours and spends the time necessary basking in the warmth of your presence.  Fill me up, overflowing, that that same warmth would be evident to those you have put into my life.”

Did you know that it is the blood that warms our body, from the inside out?  The life is in the blood.  the blood of Jesus gives life, warms up a cold heart and feeds and nourishes the soul.  If you give that warmth away, you’ll need to go back and get warmed up again. It is like a loop.  You receive, you give away, you receive, etc.   Blood circulates, for the good of the body. It feeds, gives breath (oxygen) then, it takes away the toxic garbage and disposes of it.  We need to follow this pattern in our lives. Receive the life giving blood of Jesus (His shed blood on the Cross for our sin) accept it, let it circulate, bring life, breathe it in, breathe it out, let the garbage be removed and cleansed from our hearts/soul.

I am writing this for myself. It is a reminder of the fact I am NOT a corpse, but a living being, brought to life in God, through the life, death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ.  By faith I  believe it, trust in it and walk in it.  Trusting in it, just like I trust my body is functioning and the blood that flows through is moving around inside of me and fulfilling it’s purpose in my physical body.  Where I have blockage, it can hurt me, damage my soul, interfere with my function and ability to live fully.  Heart attacks are usually a result of a blockage in an artery, unseen, very few symptoms, but then BAM! it happens, and sometimes it causes death.

I don’t want to be caught off guard. Prevention is better than a cure.  Healthy living is expensive, but the alternative is sickness, shortened life, surgery, medication, etc.  I think I will choose to pay up front.  What am I paying?  Nothing, it is free, all that is required is that I tap into the life of Christ, He has done it all and all I have to do is Follow Him, sit with Him, obey Him above all else.

I must remember to act quickly and keep short accounts, When I feel soul-sick, I must, immediately, go to the Great Physician, Jesus is there to bring health to these dry bones. It might mean to guard my heart, it might mean to repent, it might mean to rebuke a lie that I entertained.

David spoke of his body as dry bones.  When he recognized his unhealthy condition and he turned to God and the Spirit of God revived his dried bones.

Again, Ezekiel 37:1-27 speaks loud and clear about life in the spirit. “O ye dry bones, hear the word of the LORD.  Thus saith the Lord GOD unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live: ”

“May the gifts of the spirit of God flow and multiply as He lives and moves and has His way in me.”

Should I get serious about blogging?

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I am told I spend too much time on Facebook. It appears to my family that I am just goofing around with different social networks, similar to someone surfing the web. They are wrong. If they would peer over my shoulder they would find that I seek out articles and blogs that edify me, challenge me and cause me to got off the fence and decide on where I stand on the different issues that are addressed.  I am constantly finding opportunities where it is possible to be the encourager, while other times I am the one being encouraged.  The internet, for me, is a source of far more positive influence than negative. I have made it a habit to purge the groups, blogs, or friends that waste my time or bring me down. I hope, whoever might be reading this, that you find something positive in the words I share.  Feel free to comment and share your perspective and possibly even enlighten me in what I might not be aware of in this new world of blogging.

Blessings,

Kim

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